Five Years On
I believe in the power of information.
I live in Tokyo, across the international dateline, so five years ago today at 8:46 a.m. on September 11, 2001, it was nearly 10 o'clock at night, local time.
I was asleep and sometime around 11:30 my mobile phone rang. I roused myself and grabbed it, and still groggy muttered, "Hello".
It was Sonja, a fellow American I've known for years, even before I came to Japan. "Did I wake you?" she asked. "I can call back later."
"No no no, it's fine, I'm already up. What is it?"
(Years later, I still marvel at this, that she said she could CALL BACK LATER? Even she can't believe she said that, that her impulse for politeness momentarily overrode the urgency.)
Sonja told what had happened, what she was witnessing on the Japanese TV news. At first, I didn't understand what she was saying, and when my mind cleared and I understood her, I -- and I mean this quite literally -- didn't believe her.
"What? I'm sorry, but that's impossible. Collapsed? Both of them? No, that's wrong. Impossible. No." NO, I'm serious, it's horrible, it's on all the TV channels.
Ear glued to the mobile phone, I tried switching it on my old, rarely used TV set, but it didn't work no matter how frantically I fiddled with it. I couldn't access the Internet access, because the government phone monopoly's overpriced landline-pricing structure (installing a line cost several hundred dollars, and all calls, even local, were metered) rendered the cost of dial-up internet prohibitive, so I didn't have a landline. My fancy new mobile phone was supposed to offer news through the mobile-web menu, but access instructions were opaque and what I could find told me nothing.
I flipped on the radio to the local American Forces Network station, based out of nearby Yokota Air Base, which broadcasts NPR news programs, but a few months before some dummy of program director had, apparently, decided that it was aesthetically unpleasing or too confusing to broadcast NPR's Morning Edition live, since it was still night here, choosing to broadcast NPR's All Things Considered -- tape-delayed at least 12 hours -- instead in that time slot. And since it appeared no one was actually at the station, a 12-hour-old broadcast of All Things Considered was what was still playing, the calm voice of the host discussing whatever now-unimportant issue was going on the previous day.* I finally had to resort to pounding on my next-door neighbor's door, damn the hour, to frantically ask if I use his TV: it was already on, and we both watched the TV news footage in horrid fascination, confirming for me the horrible truth that Sonja had told me.
Until that moment, from the time Sonja told me what had happened and the moment I confirmed it through the news, I don't think I've ever felt so out of touch in my life. Horrible, world-shattering events were taking place, far away but still connected to me as an American, and I was completely unable to find out what was going on or even to confirm that the events were real. I had to know.
I felt helpless, which I recognize is objectively irrational, since my knowing or not knowing had no -- nor could it have any -- real-world impact. Nonetheless, knowing what happened, finding all I could, was a necessity for me, a way of connect myself to the larger world in a way that's important to me even if I can't articulate why.
I suppose it's why I re-started this blog the way I have, something that didn't occur to me, really, until I started typing these words: those little stories I used to read in the San Francisco Chronicle, in their own oblique and off-center ways, help illuminate the larger world that eye-glazing thumbsucker analysis pieces or bang-bang-here's-the-latest-war bulletins never did. They connected me to Hong Kong and Beijing and Hanoi and Lima and Rio and Palermo and Moscow and Paris and Teheran and New Delhi and all the other little places on the human level. If these stories I find help connect some people -- however few who actually read these words -- then I've done a good thing.
*Eventually, at midnight, someone apparently woke up, and the radio station cut to the live CNN feed -- a decision I thought almost as stupid, since broadcasting over the radio a television soundtrack instead of actual radio news told me that whoever was running the radio station didn't really understand radio.